Juilliard or Else Page 31

  Just…walked right past me. Left me there.

  I don't know how long I sat there crying, having a death grip on the magazine, until someone placed a hand on my shoulder.

  "Abigail?"

  It was the last voice I ever expected to hear and I flinch away from the touch. The magazine of happy families and wonderful, holding back the hair husbands fell on the floor and I held my head.

  Alone

  "Abigail. Please look at me."

  I stopped crying long enough to look up and meet the blue eyes of my step mother, Carol, sitting right next to me. Her blue eyes were filled of sadness as she held open her arms to me. I went willingly. I needed to be held.

  Carol let go and cupped my cheeks. Her eyes usually so cruel and mean, now were soft and caring. She pushed my hair back off my shoulder, "Meet me for drinks after this? There's a little place across the street. We have lots to talk about." I nodded. I agree very much, we did need to talk. I'm keeping my baby, I knew she would try and talk me out of it though.

  "Abigail McCall?"

  I looked at the lady calling my name then followed her down the same hallway as yesterday. I found myself on the same brown leather couch, with Dr. Walters in front of me, his hand under his chin, staring at me.

  "Abigail, what has you so upset today?"

  I sniffed and reached for a tissue, "I'm just emotional," I tried to play it off.

  "Abigail, don't shut down. It's not fair to you."

  I looked back up at him.

  One breath, two breaths, and then three breaths.

  I broke down and sobbed into the tissue.

  "Abigail, let's talk about this. Obviously something is destroying you. You have to talk in order for me to help you."

  "I'm pregnant. My boyfriend...or I thought he was my boyfriend was someone who I didn't even know. He lied to me from the beginning. Told me he's never been arrested, but he has—he deals drugs. My dad is a lawyer for the city and has this giant folder on him. The night Rachel died; I found out Tucker deals drugs. I'm not stupid; I know how dangerous that is. The Tucker I met wanted nothing more than to tattoo and he's so great at it too!"

  I continued on my ramp page of anti-Tucker syndrome. I confessed about the bulimia, Carol, everything I could think of. When I told him about my purging, I was actually pacing in front of Dr. Walters. I went on about the stupid bullying from Jasmine, but she wasn't so much of a concern as Tucker. I ended up looking out the windows of his office, pulling on one of Dr. Walters leaves of his tall plant in the corner, while watching the traffic below me. Being up forty floors, I could get used to looking out a window like this every day.

  "Tucker tried calling me when I got here."

  Dr. Walter's cleared his throat. "Did you talk with him?"

  I shook my head, "No, I missed the call, but I think he left a voicemail."

  "Abigail, you need to listen to it. He could be trying to reach out. He doesn't have any family. You did say his mom could care less about him. Maybe while his dad was with him, he told him to leave you alone, maybe said to stay away. You have to hear him out on the other side here. He is the father to your unborn baby."

  My head dropped with a thud on the window, the cars moving right below my eyes, straight down the building. I had a feeling the good doc would say something like that.

  "I don't want to pressure Tucker into being a father. That's something he needs to figure out."

  "I agree. In your situation, I think most men would do something like leave you with a child he could care less about. But from what you've told me, sounds like that isn't the case. Listen to the message, Abigail."

  I turned and faced him, still sitting in his leather chair, yellow pad of paper on his lap, his glasses down on his nose just like my dad does when I walk into his office. I walked back over to the couch where my purse was and pulled out my phone. When I unlocked my phone, the little screen still showed:

  1 missed call: Tucker

  My eyes started to water again, taking a deep breath to help them stop them from falling, but it didn't work. A tear dropped on my phone as the screen went dark again.

  "Go ahead Abigail. Listen to it." Dr. Walters was starting to push my buttons with the forcing. I unlocked my phone and dialed up my voicemail. While the lady talked on the phone, telling me I have one new message, his voice that I missed so much filled my ears.

  Gabs, I'm sorry I haven't been around. I've been trying to lie low from everything that has happened. I hope you can meet me today. I want to see you and talk to you. I hope you can find it in your heart to call me back.

  He sounded so nervous. I wanted to see him, but another part of me didn't. Then all the what ifs filled my head. What if he didn't want to be with me? What if this. What if that. I wanted to pull my hair out. Instead, I just put my phone back and fell against the back of the couch, releasing a big breath.

  "What did he have to say?"

  I met the doctor's eyes, "Wants me to call him back, and wants me to forgive him."

  "See, it's a start. Are you going to?"

  I shrugged my shoulders and not saying anything else. Dr. Walters stood up and held his hand out, pretty much signaling that my time is up.

  "Abigail, I hope you will come back for another session."

  "Yeah, I will."

  I shook his hand then left. I was alone in the elevator and let the rest of my tears flow freely down my face. People starred at me with raised brows, but their face sincere. I wiped them away with my as quick as I could when I reached the lobby. Again, I debated with myself on calling Tucker back. If I did, what do I say to him? I didn't want to be that girl who says one thing then goes crawling back to him just because he called me. My steps hit the outside and I started walking to the place Carol wanted to meet me.

  I spotted Carol at the table, twisting her wine glass around with her fingers. Taking a deep breath I then went to her side. She smiled at my approach and right then, something changed between us. She gave me a sad smile at the corner of her mouth, and then I saw her eyes travel down to my barely showing belly. I wasn't showing at all, but you can tell I had a tiny little bump at the top of my jeans.

  I sat down across from her and ordered a hot chocolate. We stayed silent until the waiter brought me my drink. Then we were left alone. Clattering dishes filled the silence between us as I blew on my drink to take a sip. Carol huffed, and then I glanced up at her.

  "Abigail, why are you seeing a therapist?" She asked as her manicured nails drummed on the black linen cloth.

  "I went with Jade to talk about Rachel's death among other things. He asked if I could come back today, so I did." Taking another soothing drink of my warm cocoa, letting it pool in my belly.

  "I see. What about your condition? Have you given it any thought?"

  I met her yes, "Yes, I'm gonna have the baby and keep it." That's what I wanted. I didn't want to give this up.

  "I see," Carol waved her fingers in the air, signaling something behind me. I turned to see not something, but someone.

  Alex made his way towards us, dressed in a gray pressed suit, his hair done nicely, and very gorgeous looking as usual. I faced back to Carol, "You called him? He's the last person I expected to see here."

  She held up a hand, "Now listen to what he has to say, alright?"

  I rolled my eyes as Alex pulled out the chair next to Carol's then sat down, his blue eyes piercing at me with the same look he always gave me. It didn't make my stomach twist and turn as if Tucker was looking at me. I hadn't see Alex since he was in the room with Tucker, yelling at me to get out. I couldn't even look at him. If you push past his good looks, Alex made me feel uncomfortable. And I was just going to find out how uncomfortable he made me with him being here.

  "Nice to see you again, Abigail."

  I smiled up at him, but I didn't have anything to say to him. He ordered his drink while more silence filled out little table. The waiter brought his drink, then Carol started talking.

  "Abig
ail, Alex here has something he wants to say to you." She turned to him and my eyes met his.

  "I know about your pregnancy. I want to help you keep your reputation up. I want you to marry me."

  I huffed, "You call that a proposal? You certainly know how to sweep a girl right off her feet."

  Alex then unbuttoned his jacket and reached inside in his coat pocket. When his hand came out, he held a little blue box that was every girls dream, setting it down on the table and pushed it towards me with his long fingers.

  I sat back in my chair as if the box would burn me if it came near me. That's it! My conscience screamed at me.

  Tucker knew he was lying to me. He knew I could handle it, as I thought about all the times things didn't make any sense while talking to him. He was trying to keep it from me. Protect me from him.

  I glimpsed back up to Alex, his eyes were down, staring at the unopened box. I glanced over to Carol who was glaring at me.

  "What?" I asked her.

  "Don't be rude. Open the box." She jerked her head to the little blue Tiffany's box.

  I couldn't open it. I didn't want to touch it. I couldn't, that would betray my heart of my true feelings. I couldn't do that to any man.

  "Abigail," Alex got up from his chair, grabbing the ring box, and then dropping down to one knee. My nerves started up.

  "Abigail, I know we don't know each other. I want to get to know you. Help you in any way I can. We can work together as a team. I will take care of you and your child, if you would just give me a chance. Marry me."

  He opened the box. Nestled inside was a gorgeous, huge ring. The center diamond was at least four carats with little diamonds surrounding it. Alex's eyes were piercing blue as he asked me to marry him. But he did it wron—he said the wrong things.

  Carol put her elbows on the table, leaning closer to me. "Isn't it beautiful Abigail?

  I stuttered, "It's overwhelming, but no Alex. Again, I don't love you and you don't love me. We…"

  "Abigail, enough! You are being so disrespectful towards Alex and our family name. You deny him only because he isn't the father of your child. That boy cannot take care of you, he doesn't belong in our world, he can't do anything right. He'll only drag you down."

  Carol's words stabbed my heart, deadly as sin. I wanted to swat them away like a dead fly. Even if it wasn't Tucker's baby, I still couldn't just marry someone else just because my reputation was on the line. This isn't the 1800's where that was the only option in life. There are tons of single teen moms in this world and I was gonna join them. I don't need Alex to take care of me.

  "Think about it Abigail. I can take care of you." Alex said shutting the box and placing it on my leg. He stood up and left. I glanced at Carol who had a little smile on her face.

  I walked home in a huge pregnancy emotional mess. Today had been so stressful. Pouring my soul out to a doctor I've only known for 24hours, Carol showing up in the waiting room; I actually thought maybe she cared enough as to why I was there in the first place…drinks afterward, and then Alex's weird proposal. The ring box was a brick in my purse, just sitting there, burning away at the seams. Carol didn't say anything to me after Alex left our table—I left first. I needed Jade; I needed to talk with her.

  I decided not to call Tucker back. Three weeks was a long time to lie low from someone; I figured he could wait. I didn't want to crawl back to him after the first call he makes to me. I walked into my very quiet apartment and called out for Jade. Tossing my purse into my door my room as I heard some mumbled voices, sounding like she was on the phone when I walked into her bedroom. She sat on her bed wide eyed at me as I stomped my way in and starting shouting.

  "Alex freaking proposed. He proposed!" Jade's brows shot up. "I can't believe it." I paced back and forth in front of her bed. "And what's worse, he gave me this huge blinging, blanging ring too! Not just some dinky little thing, but this huge diamond ring."

  "Um.. Gabs, stop." Jade held her arms up.

  "He got down on one knee and everything, right in front of Carol." My arms were all over the place as I continued to shout. I don't know if I was mad, angry, or frustrated, maybe all the above.

  "And did I tell you the ring is huge, it's huge! I just stared at it, but Carol told me not to be rude, so I had to take it. You know how Carol is. I can't stand when she does crap like this. Said he wanted to take care of me, his baby or not. He doesn't care!"

  "Gabs stop."

  But I didn't listen to her. I kept going, rambling on and on about what happened just recently. Jade kept telling me to stop, I don't know why. She would hold her hands up and wave them. I'm sure she just wanted to throw in her opinion. Jade didn't like Alex, she was Team Tucker all the way. I don't blame her. With Tucker always gone, me being alone and pregnant, the more I wanted someone to lean on. Was that just the girl in me or was it all in the pregnancy? This was going to drive me insane.

  "Gabs!"

  I faced Jade, "What?!"

  "Will you stop and listen to me for one damn minute please?" Climbing off her bed and taking my hand to pull me into my room. I couldn't believe my eyes as I saw Jett and Tucker sitting on my bed. Tucker holding the blue Tiffany box that held the ring Alex just proposed to me with. Seriously, could this situation get any worse?

  Jade leaned into me. "He came over to talk with you."

  The box snapped shut and Tucker chucked it into the shared bathroom, stalking towards me. His blue eyes were so angry looking, not soft and subtle at all. He reached up and I flinched back, his eyes went soft a mere second that I recoiled back. Then he grabbed my snowflake necklace and ripped it off my neck and stalked off around me. I started to go after him but Jett ran past me and they were gone and out the door. I dropped to my knees and cried once again into my hands. Jade hurdled over me, only trying to bring me some comfort, but it was nothing to compared to Tucker's strong arms.

  I tried calling Tucker, no answer. I tried texting him, no answer. He did pick up the phone once; I could tell because I heard the tattoo machine, but he hung up on me. I get that he's pissed, but I'm pissed too that he wouldn't let me explain. I had my nights where I had to have Jade in my bed just so I would stop crying. I tried everything I could to talk Jade into calling Tucker so he would answer and then I would get on the phone. She told me no and then said he would just hang up on me. I stopped trying a week after he left my apartment.

  I went to Juilliard a week later with one mission on my mind—facing Madame Ava. I had my usual bag of Andes chocolates in my hand; they were the only thing that I didn't get sick from and they had some sugar so I didn't get too sick. The day was gorgeous as the sun shined on my face and the snow was melting as I walked to Juilliard and up the front steps. It was a Saturday so no one was here, but Madame Ava lived in her class so I knew she would be here. I slowly walked down the empty hallway as I chewed chocolate after chocolate. Madame Ava's door was open with beautiful classic music playing in the background. I stopped to study her move across the room up on her toes, turning softly and slowly. She had her eyes closed as she danced and closed up her imaginary scene in her head. She was a very beautiful dancer, I'm so happy I got to see this part of her before I through in the towel.

  "Abigail, what are you doing here?" She asked breathlessly with her hands on her hips.

  "I wanted to come talk with you," I eased my way into the ballet room and sat on the bench were our ballet bags would go.

  Madame Ava came to sit with me. "What about?" She took a gulp of her water and patted her face with a towel.

  Might as well just spit it out.

  "I'm pregnant." I hung my head in shame. I quickly unwrapped another Andes chocolate and stuffed it in my mouth.

  "Don't eat so much chocolate." Madame Ava told me as she took the bag out of my hands. "You'll end up with high sugar in your urine and you'll have to do a 24 hour urine collection. Trust me, I know."

  I giggled. I really didn't need to know that much.

  "I'm sorry to hear thi
s Abigail, I had high hopes for you."

  "I'm sorry." I looked at her, her eyes were shimmered over. She looked beautiful.

  "Don't be. You'll be an amazing mom. Young, but amazing." Then she pulled me into her side to give me a hug. She was right, I was young. I wish Tucker and I could have been more careful. But this wasn't a problem; I can solve this on my own.

  Today was my first doctor's appointment. I had found a doctor online that was very close to our apartment building. I had called Tucker before I left the apartment, but of course he didn't answer the phone. I left a message and gave the address of the doctor's office. I had to try and move on without him. I felt so naked without my necklace around my neck. My hand would always go up, but nothing would be there.

  Jade sighed again next to me. "I hate doctor's offices," her knee bouncing wildly, up and down.

  I quietly laughed, "Why?"

  "They smell," she answered as she flipped through a magazine. I walked to the wall that was full of pamphlets about birth, circumcision, and cord blood. I picked up each one to look through at home. It's too soon to find out the sex of the baby. I'm only around ten weeks or so.. not sure on the exact date of when I actually conceived the baby.

  "Abigail McCall?" A nurse called out.

  I was weighed, which was one hundred and six pounds. While the nurse was writing my weight down, there was a board in front of me with tons of baby announcements. And some even the doctors were holding the little babies. The nurse took us down into a little room where she took my blood pressure, made more notes. She clicked on the computer and asked me questions if I was sick with morning sickness, how would I rate the sickness on a level from one to ten (I said five) and if anything was bothering me so far in the pregnancy. I shook my head. Made more notes and then she left us.

  "Damn, stupid doctors taking their stupid time." Jade kept mumbling out while flipping through more magazines. She was always so impatient with everything. She was the same way while we waited in Dr. Walters' office. I checked my phone, hoping there would be a text from Tucker that magically appeared and I missed the chime. Nothing came. I debated about texting him again, maybe he didn't get it.